Wednesday, August 09, 2017

Today, the 16 year old boy who started this blog, is now 29.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
4:47:00 PM
Saturday, June 04, 2016

Now you're gone, now you're gone.
There you go, there you go.
Somewhere I can't bring you back.

Now you're gone, now you're gone.
There you go, there you go.
Somewhere you're not coming back.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
1:53:00 AM
Friday, February 05, 2016

Was conversing with a friend about how our blogs became more muted as time passed.

Back in the day, there were periods of time where at least 1 entry was published on this page daily. Entries would entail the participants, the venue and the activities. The purpose at the point of creation was mostly to express thoughts and to vent whatever teenage frustration that boiled over.

Many years on, however, the entries took on a new meaning altogether. They became a source of reminiscence and self reflection. One might remember the path taken, but few would recall the exact steps trodden. New lessons might even be learnt from the same old steps.

Much has changed since those days. The style of writing is one of the most evident. The thoughts is another. Without the entries in between, the maiden entry and this current one might even be thought of as written by two different individuals. Such is the degree of the change.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
2:03:00 AM
Saturday, June 27, 2015

Due to some disappointments, I decided to venture out today without my cellphone, something which had been inseparable from me since I first had one.

Something in me had decided that it would do me good to have some truly personal time.

There was a little urge to grab it with me before I left the house. The first few minutes away from it felt uneasy. Besides being out of connectivity, I was oblivious to the time, which after a while didn't turn out to be such a bad thing. I was also unable to seek out the answers to the random questions that popped into my head every now and then. Perhaps that was more unbearable for me than anything else.

But I believe and I know, that with time, people can get used to almost anything.

This little "exercise" seems like a good break so far. I will consider doing it on a regular basis.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
10:40:00 PM
Saturday, September 20, 2014

In times of trial, we become individuals stronger than before.

At least, we thought we did.

Yet, it is through a subsequent period of distress do we realise how true, or rather untrue, the impression we have on ourselves.

Trying times bring out the best and worst in us, more often than not truths that we would rather not be aware of.

In knowing oneself, it is all too easy to identify your strength, and all too devastating to come face to face with your weaknesses.

Seeing oneself crumble in the face of difficulty is painful and disappointing. It gives one the feeling of being back to square one, rendering all your efforts futile.

Painful, indeed.
Disappointing, certainly.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
5:15:00 AM
Tuesday, January 21, 2014

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same

I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back

Now you're gone, now you're gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere you're not coming back

I miss you

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
3:59:00 AM
Friday, January 03, 2014

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes,
Come on and come to me now.

Don't be ashamed to cry.
Let me see you through,
Cause I've seen the dark side too.

When the night falls on you,
You don't know what to do.
Nothing you confess,
Can make me love you less. 

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you.
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

So if you're mad, get mad.
Don't hold it all inside.
Come on and talk to me now.
Hey, what you've got to hide?
I get angry too.
Well, I'm a lot like you.

When you're standing at the crossroads,
Don't know which path to choose.
Let me come along.
Cause even if you're wrong,

I'll stand by you,
I'll stand by you.
Won't let nobody hurt you,
I'll stand by you.

Take me in into your darkest hour.
I'll never desert you,
I'll stand by you.

And when the night falls on you baby,
You're feeling all alone,
But you won't be on your own.
I'll stand by you.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
3:43:00 AM
Tuesday, November 12, 2013

I know that life is finite.

I know that while I am enjoying the vitality that comes with youth, time is slowly creeping closer, raining years on me and stealing the vitality away in ways I cannot imagine.

I know that one day, my time will come.

But, I fear not.

On one side, supposing death is truly the end of life, there is nothing to fear. For the ability to fear will diminish with death.

On the other, supposing death is not the end of life, and there is an afterlife, there is nothing to fear either. For I have loved ones on the other side. When it is my turn to go, I will wake up on the other side, perhaps in a bucket of tears, ready for a new life, again.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
4:00:00 AM
Wednesday, September 25, 2013

There are tunes that doesn't end with an abrupt silence. The sound trails off slowly, gradually dwindling until silence is heard.

Silence is an amazing thing. An absence of sound, it is also a master of invisibility, appearing without a clear beginning and disappearing with an equally blurred end.

The behaviour of silence is a remarkable portray of life. There are many emotions, events and thoughts that catch us off-guard, and leaves us pondering when it all began, or sadly, ended.

The start of the ending silence in a tune may be hard to spot, but logic dictates that it must start somewhere. The same logic would apply in life, but complications usually complicate matters, leaving no closure or peace.

But life is not a record with only a single track, but a record of an infinite number of new tracks. Soon after silence has ensued, it will be broken by the beginning chords of a new melody.

This reminds one of the never ending change-overs of day and night. One can never tell where the night ends and where the day begins.

"Listen" carefully, and you might hear the beginning chords of a new melody playing right now.

What do you hear? An unfamiliar new tune, or a tune referenced from an "old song"?

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
3:08:00 AM
Wednesday, February 27, 2013

I have on my shoulder, a load I cannot unload.

I have on my cheek, a tear that cannot dry.

I have on my mind, a memory I cannot forget.

I have on my heart, a scar I cannot remove.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
2:46:00 AM
Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thinking about my students have made me thought about my own school days.

What impression would they have of Mr. Goh or Teacher Tony while he was a student? A teacher in the making, a role model or a person in control?

If only they knew, that it was nothing like they can imagine.

Friends were a rare commodity for me in those days. While insignificant in adult life, friends do make a significant difference when you are a growing teen, living in a small world. The absence of friends in numbers impacted my growing up years in different ways and to a great extent, shaped me to be who I am today.

I was never one of those boys. Those hanging out with the cool people, going to cool places, doing cool things. In fact I was so unpopular that I rarely had photos taken except for special occasions like class gatherings, teachers' day or graduation. I don't even remember much of how I used to look like, though it may be a good thing after all.

While others were doing what teens should do, I spent my time doing the not-so-cool stuff — reading, learning, and thinking. While others were tuning in to latest hits on the radio and mp3 players, I was listening to old and classical songs.

There is this innate worry, that my past appears to fall short of being a role model for my students, the growing teens today. But it is precisely that I realise I could have done some things differently on hindsight, that empowers me to make a difference in their lives today. For I know the realities of the world all too well.

Everyone knows that the past cannot be changed and I go back in time to make wiser decisions. But my goal lies ahead. It's my time to prove and show all those nasty minds and sour faces how Karma begins with a capital K.

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
3:48:00 AM
Monday, November 19, 2012

I know there's hurt, I know there's pain.
But people change.
Oh Lord, I know I've been no saint.
In my own way, I regret choices I've made.
But how do I say I'm sorry?

I was scared, I was unprepared, oh for the things you said.
If I could undo that I hurt you,
I would do anything for us to made it through.

How can I erase decisions I've made?
How do I go back, what more can I say?

Oh, how I wish...
Oh, how I miss...

+ aNd.iT.mAdE.mE.tHaT.mUch.STRONGER.
12:45:00 AM
the fighter ;

- t.O.n.Y -

gRowing stronger,
from every shit.

gO ahead,
make me stronger.

articulate ;

in loving memory ;

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